To the Guy at the NW Tucson Albertsons

Allow me to be a complete ass hole for a second here…

But why the fuck does people assume I want to hear “you’re beautiful, I like bigger girls”

That right there just says, “Hey you’re a fat girl” to my face, in “nicer” words. It still cuts the same.

I get it I’m fat. Do I want to be told it? Not really.

Why can’t people just say “Hey, you’re beautiful” I think I’d be more apt to taking THAT sort of “compliment” rather than the Compliment followed with the insult.

That’s right up there, with “You have a pretty face” Thanks; you just called the rest of me total crap. Fucker. And I’ll have you know, I have a great personality too with this pretty face. Oh right, personality doesn’t matter. Doh.

Anyway, This vent comes from the fact that last Saturday I went to the Compass bank in the Albertsons for my grandma. (May I just state that I had just rolled out of bed and went up to her house wearing my Pajamas. There for I am in no mood to be approached, in fact its probably not wise…And I’ve never had a problem… until…)

On my way out of the store this homeless looking drunk guy feels the need to stroll up to me and say “you’re beautiful, you really are” several times followed by “I like bigger (as he hand gestures a size) women, and you’re just beautiful.” I think normally one might be like “thanks” for being called beautiful, however I was both creped out and mortified by this guy.

Sure I’m being some “shallow” human being, but geez! He then proceeds to tell me where he lives (as if that matters to me) and then continue repeating the ‘you’re beautiful statement.’ And then, here’s the real kicker, he tried to freaking touch me. NO joke. He walked closer to me reached his hand out. At this point I should have busted out my ninja jitsu moves, but sadly I have none, so I just stepped backward.

At which point the guy starts walking away, again, still muttering the same phrase.

I get it.

It’s NEVER okay for a stranger to touch another stranger.

Ever.

Then, today I’m walking out of that same Albertsons for yet another errand for my grandmother and I get a guy “excuse me miss, can I get like 25 to 50 cents change?” and as I turn around, it’s the SAME FUCKING GUY! And he again starts stuttering the “you’re beautiful” phrase, this time leaving out that I’m fat. Thanks for that one homeless guy.

Fuck you.

Happiness was the old silk dress...

So my week started off on a clean note.

I finally got the washer and dryer that’s been sitting at my grandma’s house for over a month. So we have a washer and dryer at our house now thanks to the help from our neighbors.

My brother was being a jerk-face and wouldn’t load them in his truck and bring it over. In any event, they’re there. So I felt the need to wash everything I could on Sunday. It was an all afternoon and into the night process, but never the less the highlight of my week thus far.

Yay for domestication right?

I’ve slowly begun to realize that I can be happy, as I’ve been happy for about two weeks now and going strong. Most of the time in the situation I am in I would find myself getting very depressed. But, some how I’m finding things to occupy my mind and keep me striving for more.

Work has been proving to be quite stressful and my days seemed to be moving faster and I can never find enough time to do all the things I need to before everyone leaves. I work the 11-8PM schedule, which happens to be the closing schedule. It sucks.

Not just because I’m the only one in the building for 2 hours, but also because I struggle from 11-4PM to get all of the mailroom priorities done. It’s not nearly enough time, being that my lunch is soon after I arrive at around 2 PM. In fact, I find myself working through lunch to make sure I maintain the daily work order. And on top of that all, each month we have a “Welcome Packet” that we send out to new homeowners that are in a certain association we assist. This means I have to make a bunch of CD’s, labels and then stuff the CDs along with a piece of paper into an envelope and send them off…. This month we have 196 packets to do. And what’s more, the guy who was before me, screwed up on an entire welcome packet of 75. So I have to re-label these little babies and get them sent back out. Good times, maybe anyway.

I’m getting very anxious for my trip to the east coast.

The roommate has started school again so this may mean I see less of her. Hopefully she maintains a work ethic and goes to class. She told me last semester to make sure she went to school (not sure why I have to be mom here?) but I tried, which ultimately resulted in her lying about going to classes. She argues that it should have very little effect on me because it doesn’t concern me. My argument is, a lie is a lie – it makes me trust people less. I’m sure I’m not the only one here.

Also, I’ve started dabbling in painting – I’ve painted a few pictures, some that I am extremely happy with some that I want to re-do, but I am against painting over… so I’ll need to wait until I can buy fresh canvases.

In other “exciting” news, I’ve gotten a new cell phone with what I refer to as my “Big Kid” phone. Because it’s no longer a prepaid type option that only works in certain limited places. It’s with Verizon and it’s a camera phone. I think that I’ve just created a monster because I’m able to picture message people videos and stills…. Some of my friends can attest to the madness, and my Myspce’s new “Photo Album can also attest. I’m already getting threats to have it taken away… this can’t be good…. Or can it? I love my phone.

Pretty much, my life is good. I’m happy; I’m excited and ready to take on the future while enjoying what I have now.

happy - So this is what it feels like?

Never under estimate the power of a strong group with a lot of conviction.

I got “promoted’ today due to some “lay offs” at work.

So that’s exciting.

I now technically have my own office and what not. I moved most of my stuff already. So I’m excited to start making changes and growing with this company.

I’ve never felt more grown up than I do now, strangely enough.

Also, I feel quite accomplished and rather happy, another weird feeling for me.

Plus, I’m going to Jersey in Feb, so I am DEFINATLY excited about that. But I will probably freeze!

Happiness has never felt so good.

Things to Accomplish This year

I kept going back and forth on whether or not I should do a new years resolution, I argued that by doing one it would be cliché and pointless. But also counter argued that its good to have goals and standards. I decided to not call it a resolution as much as a “I’ve decided to change my life.” For some reason I feel like 2008 will be the year things change for me. I want it to be an important year of growing, living and learning. But most importantly I want it to be a turning point for me where I leave behind my childish ways and step into adulthood.

So now I have a not so resolution game plan. Here’s what I want to do:

Be more organized.
Be financially Responsible.
Be Healthy.
Be Happy.
Take time to do Photography (at least 1 weekend a month)
Practice clean living habits.
Get out of this Program.
Smile more.
Cry less.
Laugh often. (Boy, I feel like a commercial for some kind of Shoe Company.)
Get in touch with old friends.
Read More (should be the easiest!)
Forgive.
Live.

For those about to rock, I salute you

I decided to start of the New Year I would write down a personal thank you and/or confession about the people that were in my life last year and the personal mark they left. If you do not see your name, it’s not because I don’t like you, but rather the names seen here played a more active role in my life during this particular chapter of my life.

Ashley: First of all, she is actually the person I have known in my life the longest. She has inadvertently taught me the value of keeping friends even when you feel that you should walk away. We both accomplished something we had been dreaming about for years and Honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted to share that moment with anyone but her. She was my rock when I was more lost than I can ever imagine, and she will continue to be someone I take with me through my life to witness everything. Especially New Years 2009 Right?

Jessica: In high school people constantly confused us for each other which I find really hard to believe being that she stood at 5’5 weighed probably all of 105 Lbs if that and had really blonde hair and piercing green eyes. I was 5’8, heavy set and dark brown (or red) hair. No where even remotely close to looking like her and yet, we both answered to either Jess or Jenn and created a duo that worked like a well oiled machine, She was damage to other writers, and I was damage control (“Can you give this to Jess?” as the weary Newbie would bolt towards the door) Jess has taught me the value of friendship and the notion that no matter how close, saying something stupid can inadvertently put a thorn in the side of the friendship, possibly crippling it. Also, never get in an argument with the human dictionary, she will violate you with words you will have to look up later and go “Oh, its not as bad as I thought” or “that bitch! How dare she call me that!” But she is also, my book fiend – The person I can say “I just read this book” and not get a blank stare, but a rather intrigued “tell me more” type of look.

Laura: She was the Frack to my Frick. At one point we were joint at the hip and enjoyed hours of creating fantasy worlds around the backstreet boys and our lives with them. She is the one I think of when I see a new chick flick coming out and the one responsible for my birthday trip to New Jersey ( I will pay you back!) which was a life altering experience for me. She’s around almost as long as Ashley (give or take a month or two.) And someone most of my family adores and someone I also see taking with me for the rest of my life.

Michelle L: Roommate 94315.45 – And the longest roommate I’ve had besides family that I didn’t want to kill. Sure I’ve had my moments. Sure she sometimes is like that little thorn in my side when the house is trashed. But she pays her bills and has dreams and goals. She is someone I find myself confiding in, and one of the few people who have seen me and allowed me to cry. I enjoy her confidence, even if I do find it sometimes over bearing. She is a challenge for me, but also someone who wouldn’t has kept me floating and probably will continue to as long as we share a home (she may want to rethink living with me at this point…) She’s like the little sister I never wanted, but I’m glad I have. We both carry ourselves in high regards, but when together are not afraid to just sit around and be the “peons’ that we truly are. And if its 110 degrees out, you’re damn right we’ll sit around in jeans and a bra together.
Jake: Wow. I could write page upon page about this talented guy. The voice of reason. And also someone I have developed somewhat of a crush on. Jake is this amazing human who happens to hold some unbelievable talent in his fingers (not that way you sicko!) He is my link into the musician world and one of my biggest supporters of my Photography passion of sorts. He’s also one of my biggest supporters in “going for your dreams.” I’ve shared a lot with this man, and hope to share a lot more – assuming he doesn’t actually get to know the real me and take off running, as it happens far to often. I also blame this guy for my confidence, because hell, he really has a knack for making me smile and getting people to say “aw why you smiling Jennie” which then makes me blush. But I like the feeling. I like our conversations. I like his banter, and I like that he is willing to share his knowledge of life (or something like it) with me. We can also blame him for the recent Kevin Smith obsession.

Nora: I have yet to truly get sick of this girl. I’ve tried to be mad, but then she’ll say something and I can’t help but think “what the fuck?” all the while laughing until my sides hurt and she snorts (its not that hard.) She often finds herself saying, “Get out of my head!” when we spew out the same thought in mind. And sometimes she’s my personal Barbie, allowing me to dress her up… some times undressing her (not myself, you pervs!) And she’s one of my models. Oh and Nora, that scene in the graveyard at his mother’s grave…. There. Also.. You gave Zac to me, and don’t you forget it! (I feel like we’re playing a game of hooker trading cards in Las Vegas?)

Kat: “I’ll go, I always knew I’d live a tragic life” – I spent a lot of time with her over the last weeks due to the roommate being in Oregon with her family. But even still, Kat is a pretty cool chick. Someone I can sit around and do nothing with and still be good. She’s one of those friends I don’t have to constantly entertain and I like that. We’d both be chill with listening to music and reading the entire day away or watching the entire first (coincidently the last as well) season of Firefly. She’s taught me a lot about people and how they act. While there are times I’d want to strangle her and make her wake up and see the world, I also realize that people come around on their own time and that she is just human. She is another one of those people who allow me to dress them up, my Emo Barbie. And no kat, I don’t mean that in a bad way.

Emily: I used to think that I was crazy, and then I realized I wasn’t nearly as crazy as I could be and that you should NEVER let people borrow things that are of great value. Ever. You know that phrase “ a sucker is born every minute” I think I was that sucker for at least…..3535 million minutes as for some reason even though I would catch her in lies, I kept allowing her closer into my life. The sting of her leaving hurt I will admit, but only momentarily after I discovered what web of deception she had woven into the inner circle I had attached myself to. So thank you for opening my eyes.

Patrick (Mexi-Melt): First of all let me just say, that this man is an amazing father, singer and friend. He has given me a side of friendship that truth be told, I had never had before. He is someone I can always rant to and he will discretely point out the flaws to where my anger is coming from. He is rather good at telling it like it is. And even better at making me laugh. He’s shown me the value of struggle with friendships. He has also taught me that I will never sit in his backseat while he drives up Mt. Lemmon’s highway lest I puke.

Michelle: Wow. We’ve both been through so much stuff. And I discovered that perhaps our mothers were the same, or so close its scary. She has an amazing voice and she’s the kind of person I can talk for hours with. I enjoy the times I hang with here, while very few. I met her in hell (Convergys) and have a blast with her every time we go to Karaoke. She’s taught me a lot about how a true friend should be, even if I don’t hang out with her that much. I also credit her for a lot of my confidence. Thanks!

Jeremy: This guy is amazing. He doesn’t know it but he is. He is another person responsible for my confidence. I don’t actually know him as in (I’ve never met him) but He is totally someone I could see hanging out with constantly. He is always equipped with some sort of retort that will make me laugh for hours. And always there for me when I need to rant about something… Really anything. He doesn’t give himself the credit he deserves so I figured I’d try and give him some credit here. This guy, is fucking awesome. Period.

Meg: She’s very intense and in your face bold. I enjoy the many hours we spent talking and hanging out. I think that when together we are an unstoppable duo of trouble and I mean that in a good way. While quick with a temper, she is also quick with being there for you whenever you need to rant. She’s also quite funny, coincidently. Pat’s other half and soon to spawn a child of her own. Someone I defiantly find responsible for my growth this year as we both did a lot of growing.

Honorable Mentions:

Leticia – My first and original model, and the person at the beginning to I babbled to the most.
RyanHood – The band it self. Amazing.
Brandalyn – Oh how you entertain me at work. You are truly hilarious.
Tucci – YAY For new friends and co-workers, thanks for making me feel welcome at the new job.
Aubrey – A friend from way back, I’m excited that you live in Tucson again, now if only we hung out a lot!
Beth – oh my god, you are too funny. I can’t wait until I live in jersey!
Heather – Thank you for giving me confidence in my photography and writing!
David – hey, without him I wouldn’t have fallen to pieces only to learn I can be put back together.

Thanks to everyone in my life and here’s to another year of learning and growing (hopefully emotionally, less physical growth!)