I’ve been on the hunt for a new job or additional job to my current babysitting gig, with several applications under my belt, I’ve had no such luck on even getting a call back. Perhaps my resume needs some better polishing? I think it looks fine. I find myself appealing to say the least, but then again maybe I’m just biased. I knew with the oldest kid trotting off to kindergarten my gig would be up soon. I love these kids. I love that I have been a part of their lives and family. The parents are great. They’ve been nothing but supportive in all of my trials and tribulations. It’s really truly hard for me to come to grips that I’m going to have to go back into the real world and attempt to make a living.
When I first moved out here, my plan was to try and find a nanny gig and attempt school at full times status. It was my dream. My goals. I wanted to be a student. I wanted to know what it was like to not work full time and to actually dedicate myself as a student. I saw a handful of my privileged friends get this experience and I admit, I was jealous. I wanted my parents to support me and allow me the experience of a college student. I dreamed of dorm rooms and cram sessions, I know that can’t be normal.
As I grew older the dorm rooms became less realistic, because I had already established myself as an independent person. I’d lived in an apartment, a house, a condo and so on, I couldn’t see myself cramming into a dorm room where my space was constantly shared. I’m a pretty bad roommate as is. I’m slightly messy and I leave a trail in my wake. I’ve tried to concentrate on these problem areas, but I old habits really die hard. Either way, I’m not too terribly torn up about not having the college dorm room experience.
In any event I snagged a few craptastic jobs answering phones for a few call centers, but not a single one of them gave me the opportunity to work part time and dedicate myself to school. The few classes I did take while working had to be online and if I needed some time to go to the school there was often hell to pay. My boss was a nazi-ass and wouldn’t budge. Others were allowed the right of school and higher education but it seemed in this particular work place the idea of education was dangerous to them. It meant you’d move on to better things, and they were not about to let that happen. Lucky for me, or rather unlucky for me, I had my gallbladder taken out and this actually allowed me some time off from work.
During this healing process I started searching heavily for a new job. I needed to find a nanny gig so I could afford myself the dream I wanted, I needed to go to school full time. I needed to get a college degree. This wasn’t a need in the sense that most people go to school to make more money, this was a psychological need for me. The idea that I had dropped out of school and obtained only a G.E.D didn’t sit well with me. It was a constant reminder of my failure to hack it in a real school situation, a constant reminder of my shortcomings. I know I should be proud that I even did that, but the high standards I have, I don’t see it as that. I need to get a college degree so I’m not just another person who’s childhood dreams get pushed to the back of their mind. My childhood dreams were college. And plenty of it.
Eileen sent me an email and we arranged a time to meet, an interview. I had been on a few before; most people nodded, smiled and then never called me back. Eileen gave me a shot. I had a trial period with these two bright-eyed boys and she asked me to stay longer. And then I was offered the gig.
Not a moment too soon.
I was supposed to return to work the following day and it gave me a great amount of pleasure to be able to resign from the hellish place. It felt good to drive their, gather my belongings say good-bye to the co-workers I had made a connection with and leave my doctors note on my supervisors desk. Looking back, it wasn’t the best exit, but it was something that even today, it feels good.
The few hours I spent with the boys and I was hooked instantly by the charisma of the older child, Luke and the laughter from the younger one, Graeme (Pronounced Graham). I look back at a few of the pictures I took when I just started (a year ago right now) and I think about how incredibly fulfilling and awesome it has been to be part of their growth. A lot more than I can say if I worked for the people I had worked for before.
I think about all the things I’ve learned in the process and I’m ever so thankful for the opportunity to become a full-time student and dedicate myself to my education. My fear now is that I will have to fall back into a full-time job to continue keeping myself a-float in New Jersey and my education will slack.
Thirty some odd applications later, a quickly approaching end to supporting myself via childcare, and increasing bills has me sinking.
