Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Make me feel unpretty too.
Sometimes I don’t feel pretty enough for my boyfriend. I look at him, and then I look around me and mentally pair him with other girls I think he should be with. My bouts with low self-esteem sometimes can catch me off guard.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing at the beginning
I’ve made an executive decision to spend Christmas this year in my home in New Jersey rather than go to Arizona for Christmas. I made this decision for financial reasons mostly and I have mixed feelings about the decision. I can say I am mostly content with my decision, despite not being able to see friends and family.
Things have definitely changed these past few Christmas’s and just when I was starting to enjoy the idea of family and getting together, my world got turned upside down and my grandmother passed away. Christmas isn’t the same anymore.
The only tradition that seemed to be staying the same was the Annual Christmas Eve party where my cousins and I gathered. It was a family reunion of sorts and I was finally finding myself belonging there. But, things change. People get older, families grow, and people pass on.
Who knew my grandmother dying would be such a crucial turning point in my life. For me it can be compared to the JFK assassination or 9/11 attacks. I remember the exact place I was when I got the phone call from my sister. I remember the inexplicable sobs that came from me, the gasps of air, having been emotionally socked in the stomach and unable to breathe.
No, Christmas isn’t the same. So maybe it’s time for me to try something new. I will get a tree, set it up in my own house and decorate it with the handful of decorations taken from my grandmother’s collection. I will breathe deeply and try to remember that new traditions aren’t always bad.
But at least I have Thanksgiving with family still. I am making my 2nd Annual drive to Michigan to spend the holiday with my Aunt Kathleen, Uncle Richard, and hopefully my sister. I also get to introduce some of my family to the man who’s been lighting up my world.
I have to remember, last year Thanksgiving in Michigan was a new tradition, and last year was perfect.
Things have definitely changed these past few Christmas’s and just when I was starting to enjoy the idea of family and getting together, my world got turned upside down and my grandmother passed away. Christmas isn’t the same anymore.
The only tradition that seemed to be staying the same was the Annual Christmas Eve party where my cousins and I gathered. It was a family reunion of sorts and I was finally finding myself belonging there. But, things change. People get older, families grow, and people pass on.
Who knew my grandmother dying would be such a crucial turning point in my life. For me it can be compared to the JFK assassination or 9/11 attacks. I remember the exact place I was when I got the phone call from my sister. I remember the inexplicable sobs that came from me, the gasps of air, having been emotionally socked in the stomach and unable to breathe.
No, Christmas isn’t the same. So maybe it’s time for me to try something new. I will get a tree, set it up in my own house and decorate it with the handful of decorations taken from my grandmother’s collection. I will breathe deeply and try to remember that new traditions aren’t always bad.
But at least I have Thanksgiving with family still. I am making my 2nd Annual drive to Michigan to spend the holiday with my Aunt Kathleen, Uncle Richard, and hopefully my sister. I also get to introduce some of my family to the man who’s been lighting up my world.
I have to remember, last year Thanksgiving in Michigan was a new tradition, and last year was perfect.
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