Quiet-like, some still day, I'm just going home..

For a History class that is supposed to be about the beginning of Western Civilization (Think Greek, Roman, and Pyramids and Egypt time) it's week 3 and my class still hasn't left The United States (but we have finally moved off the Syllabus) I'm not complaining and I'm actually starting to enjoy this class more than I thought I would.

One thing I like is that each class the Professor brings in visual aid (generally a picture) that he places at the front of the class. He'll reference it but he's really yet to fully explain any of the images until recently.

The image on Wednesday's class was this:
"Navy CPO Graham Jackson with tears of grief streaming down his cheeks as he plays 'Goin' Home' on the accordion while Pres. Franklin D. Roosevelt's body is carried from the Warm Springs Foundation where he died suddenly on April 12, of a stroke."

I get the motion towards the fact that February is Black history month and he appears to be someone who has researched the Black Culture thoroughly going so far as to host every year a Black history extravaganza in the student commons. But I was still curious as to how this had anything to do with Western Civilization. I still am not completely sure what it does either. I just know that it shows and tells of a moment our nation was greatly effected. Everyday people, stood at train tracks watching as Roosevelt's body was taken from Warm Springs to DC. It was a time when we felt something as a country. It was a "Where were you when Kennedy was assassinated" or for my generation, perhaps the way we felt when the planes hit the Twin Tours and shocked our senses.

It was a moment, like Tucson's recent tragedy, but also it sticks out in my mind because it makes me think of the revolution in Egypt. It's interesting to actually see something like that happen, a nation who demands change coming together. To see that we can peaceably assemble and demand change and possibly even see change.

During his lecture on Wednesday he read a quote by A.L Rowes, a 20th Century historian that said, " History is a great deal closer to poetry than it is generally realize; in truth, I think it is in essence the same." And I began to think in a literature sense, I had never really thought of history in an "English" sort of way, but the connection really was true.

"O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won"

A quote famous poem by Walt Whitman that reference to Abraham Lincolns death. Okay, lets be honest, we all thought of The Dead Poets Society right? And don't you have the urge to stand on your desk right now? Viva Revolutions.

Hell, even the Star Spangled Banner, has great historical references to the time period. It really is the story of the time.

I've always been aware of the literature references to history, but never really the poetical sense. So it was an interesting way to tie two subjects I love together quite nicely and also make me look at the world in a more romantic poetic way.

To add to the visual aid and continue the idea that history is poetry, the Professor also had a record player to which he played the song referenced in the photograph. "Goin Home."

This song struck me because I thought of how last August I walked the ground of Arlington Cemetery and I can say that the same humbling feeling that fell over me while walking through the cemetery fell upon me when listening to the song and looking at this image. And I had been, as the teacher put it "doing history."

I agree with him. History isn't about memorizing the Gettysburg address, or reading a text book, but rather experiencing it. I live in an area that is rich with our countries founding history that and I truly love being able to experience it the way I am able to. I'm grateful for the choices I've made that have brought me to where I am.

And maybe I'll finally be able to complete a history course?

If you're interested the song can be found Here

Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight

*DISCLAIMER* For the most part, most of my blogs contain photographs of myself, my friends or something I've shot in my double life of J.C Photography. The image used in this blog post was taken from a google search.

Reaction.

I woke up this morning, running late per usual because I can't seem to get out of bed in the winter... or lately anyway. I get in my car and start driving and what do you know, I have a flat tire. (Yes, That's the 4th one in the past 4 months... maybe I need new tires?)

Why do I have a flat tire? Because the rim is bent. Normally, this is the part where I would get angry, try and lay lifelessly and wish I were dead. I wish I kidding about that last part. Often, if things get rough, I get depressed and wonder why life is even worth living with there's always this constant struggle. And lately, I've been feeling unusually depressed, mopey even.

Normally, there would have been tears.

Today, I didn't panic, I simply woke up Daniel, asked to use his car and then proceeded with the day. I was worried about the tire, wondering what kind of financial cost this was going to be (Second rim this winter to bend because of pot holes) but mostly, I kept my composure, and I didn't pray for death.

Progress.

I'll catch phrase our President here, "Yes we (and by we, I mean me) Can!" (You're welcome Ashley.)

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

"Runaway train never going back, wrong way on a one way track. Seems like I should be getting somewhere, somehow I'm neither here no there."

Work continues to frustrate me, life continues to drag on, and school, well school is starting to look hard. Or perhaps the class load I took on was entirely ridiculous? Math truly makes my brain hurt. People make my brain hurt. A lot.

There are so many people my age who are struggling with the realities of life and don’t know what they should do in certain situations. This continues to leave me dumbfounded. How is it that I, someone so broken and so completely lost, have somehow managed to grasp the reality of things well or decent enough to know when changes need to be made?

Okay, so I really suck at studying and getting homework done. I hate it. And I’m less inclined to shovel the sidewalk after a major snow storm. But, when I know I’m sinking, I find ways to stay up. I ditch the things I love, no matter how heart breaking it is. (The Star Wars Boys) And I pick myself up and I find away.

Why is my generation floundering around looking for bait, looking for the easy way, when our parents and the people before them worked hard to get the things they want? Am I the only one unsatisfied with the personification that the 20-somethings are presenting to the nation? I feel like we’re all a bunch of pansies.

"Little out of touch, little insane, just easier than dealing with the pain."

I carried a watermelon.

Watching the Black Eyed Peas bastardize a childhood memory during the half-time show prompted me to watch the final scene in Dirty Dancing again. Everyone is familiar with Dirty Dancing, and it is probably on most woman's Top Favorite Movies, and lets be honest, there are a lot of great songs in it.

As a child I watched this movie pretty much everyday for a year around the age of 4-5. And every time I watched it, I'd pause it at the last scene, run upstairs and change into my sisters red Polk-a-dot dress so that I too could dance the final dance. (Or fall down the stairs on my way down in the stiletto heels that were MUCH too big for me feet...one of those things)

I mean, the whole movie I have a neat connection with not just with the memory. My grandma grew up knowing Gery Orbach, the father in the movie. My mother managed to get me Bill Medley's autograph because I was so infatuated with the movie and song. (See, my mom's not all THAT bad?) And So what if it wasn't until I was 12 that I finally even got the whole plot/meaning of the movie and had that "ohhhhhh" moment after the 400-some odd time watching it. It's a memory I actually can recall, and its a story my mother loved telling me.
And yes, I did have a massive crush on Patrick Swayze, who didn't. And watch this movie come full circle to relevance to me now. Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer the same week my grandmother was, and I hated him for once in my life. My massive crush, was dwindled down because when people asked what my grandmother was diagnosed with, or why she died they would bring up Patrick. It seem to play down the seriousness and very tragic loss that I just personally felt and witnessed, and it made me incredibly angry, even if I did understand the struggles his family was going through, it pierced my heart.

I don't think any movie has ever made much of an imprint as this one. Dirty Dancing truly has worked its way into my history in more ways than a childhood memory. It's interesting with movies and music can take such foot hold into your life and vine its way into your history, past and present.

Because like Baby, "I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am..."

And to continue with quoting cliches:

Dirty dancing, "I owe it all to you..." for creating such an impact.

And by the way, I fully plan on playing "Take me Home Tonight" by Eddie Money at my wedding, should I ever get married, which totally has the Ronettes in it... "Just like Ronnie said, be my little baby"

Induction then destruction...

I have been thinking about the way I fight and the type of personality I come off as. Strong. I fight strong, and I have a strong way of appearing the one in charge. It's no wonder, in my teenage years I had a problem with authority. Even now, I still do.

Things at work have been stressful, we're out of product for many different frame styles which is causing back orders and 3x the work we usually deal with. When I started the position, it was a very "everyone is on equal grounds" start. I was treated no different than any of the others that worked there. Then, they hired a new person and it appears I became a child compared to the "older" people working there. I was constantly scolded for things that others did and it was crunching. I fought back. There. There's my problem with authority resurfacing. If I feel wronged, I immediately get into defense mode. I let my mouth run, and then I regret it. The words "My stupid mouth, has gotten me in trouble again" really can represent me as a whole.

My mouth gets the best of me.Every.Time.


On top of that, things at home have been quite, crunching. Its had me in an unusual shade of blue. In this mode of questioning motives, questioning what I wanted out of life and if I was currently on the right path. It's also made me miss home. Okay, really this weather has me missing Tucson's sun. That's about it. Okay, perhaps I miss Eegee's too. (Before you say it, family/friends are always a given.)

Speaking of weather - it's been brutal. Every week since the year started has been some kind of weather catastrophe. Not to mention the lack of delegation on my local town's level. I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed at what government is allowed to do, and the inability for the "average" person to really fight back. It shakes me. And then I worry, will I let my stupid mouth get me in trouble again?

The story? Daniel's car was towed 12 hours prior to a winter storm. There were several hoops and a large chunk of $$ later to even get it back. The reason for the tow? They say the car was "blocking a plow from entering our street" If that truly were the case, they should have towed 90% of the cars on our street alone. His car was easiest to get to, and thus we paid the price. And the agitation just keeps getting worse. After this "Weather Emergency" they issued 5 hours AFTER towing the car, they didn't even plow our road until 5PM on the day we had 12 inches of snow. And when they did plow? They leave a good 2 inch solid block of ice/snow that made my rode into some sort of off-roading event every time i wanted to leave the neighborhood. A week later, they finally remove the ice/snow mixture. So with the run around phone calls, the 5 different stories we're given by Union Police Department,and the lack of actual plowing it's been rough.

Then there's the towing company. Those ass holes. Not only did they charge us half an arm and part of a leg to get the car from their lot, but they ruined Daniel's breaks. Of course they will claim they were not responsible for the damage caused to the car because the UPD contacted them for their "services." The issue? It's legalized theft because the government did it. In this case, the government was WRONG. But the reality is? I'll have to bend over and take it.

Don't get me wrong, I love the freedoms being a United States Citizen offers me, but I feel like people have this idealistic vision of how great it is to be free, when in reality, the government really does push us into corners and take what they want and need. Leaving the citizen's raped of so much.

I'm angry, I know. I told you, I have a problem with authority.

"Authority should derive from the consent of the governed, not from threat of force!"

And another thing, what is it about working for a government office they people feel the need to be complete jerks? I mean really, you are customer service, act like it. Don't cop an attitude when I ask you a simple question, and don't treat me like I'm a rapist or murderer. Thanks.

*sigh*