Teach me love, I know I’m not a hopeless case

A few days ago, I had a dream that a childhood friend of mine was murdered while meeting up with me in the city. She was strangled to death by a man, because she accidentally hit him with her car door when getting out of the car. It took me back that she was in my dream, particularly because of the way things ended and changed. And it struck me funny, that the tragedy happened over something so trivial.

What I took from this was that we, in life are so easily angered over the smallest things, we often react too quickly.

I am easily hurt I find, despite the rough exterior I try to present, I crumble fast and I fall hard. And for a long while, I lay lifelessly on the ground, refusing to have hope.

I sink.

And then you think you’ll learn from situations, but then you find yourself being tempted with the same question, and you pick B, when you should have picked C.
Interesting how words written a few years back, still reveal more of me than I could ever imagine. And what does it say about me that I continually find myself in these situations, a multiple choice test that I never seem to pick the right answer. In the end, I hope to find that the reason for this is for something good, something bigger.

Burned

A child knows not
the warnings that come.
The embers burn bright,
upon a slight graze.

But I have known.
Yet like a child,
I wrap my fingers 'round
and in its wake, blistered skin maps,
the lesson I'll never learn.

J.Crawford
May 12, 2009

And I am angry.
I am angry that I keep blistering myself; wondering why? So I look back over the situation, I churn and churn it around, inspecting every corner and crease to find where the center could no longer hold. I look back at all my mistakes and changes, and wonder what all the fuss was about.

So again I find myself, obsessing over details and thinking about that friend, as I watched the interview with Gabby Gifford’s on ABC.

“Very difficult” She says, of her struggles to come as far as she has.
And for me, it’s difficult to watch Gabby and not feel what she says and to not want to amend myself and behavior. She inspires me.

Gabriel Gifford’s story is one of hope, triumph and acknowledgement, because if she’s not angry about the wrong that was done to her, a bullet through her brain and a life forever changed, how can I be angry about a paper cut?

Because that’s all these mistakes are, tiny little paper cuts that shouldn’t be life altering, but hiccups or beats of a heart.

“Life is too short, thanks for thinking of me. I think of you a lot too”