I've got a Crush, On you....

I was talking to a friend of mine today about a guy I totally had a crush on in High School. He worked at a grocery store that happened to be close to where I was staying. I remember how I used to go into that grocery store to see if he was working and if he was, I'd quickly get into his line and then remember that in order to get a chance to talk to him, I had to actually buy something.

In my painfully obvious attempts to act smooth, I'd grab a pack of gum, sometimes even a bottle of water and place them on the conveyor belt. Could it be more obvious that I was there for him as he was often in the line for the people doing major shopping and there would be a clear line in the 10 items or less isle. My attempts to be smooth were clearly futile.

What makes this worse is, I didn't really have to try and talk to him. He was in my Journalism class, and hung out with myself and the Editor I was often confused for, which by the way I will NEVER understand how we got confused. I got that both of our names started with the Letter J, But she was 5'4 blond hair blue eyes, 34D, with a 26 inch waist, or something to that effect. And I, was a tall tub of lard comparatively. Never the less, we answered to either name. Anyway, Brad, that was his name was part of our crew, he was a photographer on staff and we were eager to learn writers/editors, so why did I have to try to play it cool and stalk him at his job? I'll never understand my hormonal and high school self, because sometimes, I did the most bizarre things.

Happiness is a remote control...

I never thought that a little remote could hold so much joy, not until I purchased an iHome. For the technically unsavy, an iHome is a speaker/docking system for an Ipod in which the music that you have collected on said ipod will spew forth. It's also an alarm clock and a radio, all the convenience of a Radio/CD player, without the mess of CDs. Joy.

And boy does it ever bring me Joy, as sad as that sounds. I spent a good portion of last night laying lifelessly on my back in bed with my head starring at the digitalized numbers from an upside down view skipping through songs and allowing the sounds of the music to envelope me in its arms. No Eminem for me today. Skip. Ah, Memory from Cats, that will stay. And while I'm normally one to rock out to the likes of queen, that, qualified for a skip. Tonight’s mood required elegant music from the likes of Sarah Brightman or Michael Crawford, The Phantom of the Opera and for good measure, some comedic relief from Brian Regan.... Yes, it mixed well in my head. And that little black remote that I clenched so tightly in my hand held the power of the skip, so that i didn't have to reach the 3-4 feet and hit skip on the actual ipod itself.

Lazy. Bliss. Happiness. iHome remote, you spin me right round.

Status Update: Jennie, The E True Hollywood Story?

I found a place; it’s a 3 bedroom house in Union, NJ (pictured over there!) (Which is considered one of the nicer parts of town… Read EXPENSIVE) And I’ll be moving in around the week of March 1st. I have a roommate, her name is Jess and she works at Barnes and Noble. Yay for book nerds! And I’m very excited/nervous to be moving into my own place and taking on the New Jersey life head on.

I’m also glad to not be moving into the 1st place I found, because the lady is totally weird… I’ll refer to her as “The Creepy Cat Lady” because she is in every sense of the word. Not only does she have like 15 cats (she rescues cats) but also thinks that these cats are from another planet and that she can in fact talk to them… WEIRDO! Plus the Union place is much closer to my work. Less gas money used.

I need to find a bed for the place and I’ll be pretty much good to go…

In the land of purchases, I bought a Nikon D60 on the recommendation of a photographer friend because it’s my first real dSLR camera and its great for beginners, I should be receiving that some time this week – I only spent 400.00 on it, which is great considering they generally retail for between $500-600.00. I also got an iHome for my ipod… so I’m not using my computer all the time for my source of music. I also bought 4 movies. Yay for Circuit City going out of business? All I need now is a Wii and my life will feel somewhat complete… at least in my head.

The job is decent, boring, but decent and paying me so I refuse to complain much about that. School is kicking my ass, and teaching me more about time management than I could have ever imagined.

I’m in the process of kicking a real bad Upper Respiratory Infection (Yay for spending 148.00 to go to urgent care and get antibiotics! Gotta love our health system!)…. I’ve been sick for the entire week and I’m just now resuming a somewhat normal feel, although I still have quite a bit of sleepless nights due to the coughing, other than that, things are moving along quite well.

And that’s what I’ve been doing….Fascinating… I know.

And we are never, ever the same

When you cross that boarder between friendship and not, or you take a step in the wrong direction and blurt something out, you risk losing the friendship you’ve had.

I am no stranger to losing friends – nor am I the innocent party in losing said friends, but I am by no means the only one to make the friendship stop.

Though, I feel guilty, because what used to be a great friendship founded on being open and being able to talk has just become a cloud of holding things in and refusing to speak. Refusing to let things out for the fear of the truth hurting.

He used to be able to tell me anything and it didn’t bother me and now, he feels like he can’t say anything to me, because it will end in an argument. I’ve changed our friendship by falling for him, even when everything in my head said it was right to do; That is was okay to do. I've single handed-ly changed that friendship because I fell.

Clearly, it has become a trend in my life to cause these disturbances in the relationships that I hold closely to. I take offense to the things in which I should not take offense to. I get my self emotionally attached so that when things do not come out the way I would like to, I am hurt.

I would like to be able to talk to my best friends again, but clearly, I have lost that right to do so. It’s my fault for falling for one of them, and it’s my fault for getting defensive on something I should have held my tongue on with others.

And there lies my problem. I do not know when to shut up. When to take the hit and just let things go.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

The Guy who worked in the city....

He sounded great, he worked in the city for a company that did video editing for shows on Discovery channel, MTV and a few others... He also had an apartment with a rooftop with a view. So he had all the right things going on in his court...

And then.....

I went on a date with this guy, and he told me that I needed to park my sarcasm…

So, pretty much he just told me to not be me…

Needless to say, I do not talk to him anymore.