Jesus Christ. Yes. I did use his name in vain because god DAMN IT why do people have to be so unpleasant? Honestly. Just because you are talking to someone from over the phone doesn’t mean I won’t reject your dumb ass. I don’t care HOW much you puff up.
Some people are just never happy and I hate when they try to use their "rank" to try and intimidate me. I will treat you the same as the person who has a GED. I don’t care if you’re Lt. Dan, Dr. Crawford, Gene Simons or Billy Bob from Alabama you get the same person (me), the same respect. So don’t try to pull that fucking "This is DR. So and so (emphasis the doctor part)" cause I don’t fucking care. That just means you paid a lot of money and you are still a fucking moron. And that my friend, is sad.
You could have four teeth missing and whistle when you say smith and I will still give you the same customer service and do the same thing for you as I did for Julia Roberts.
Why is that that these so called "Doctors" can’t even sort out how many fucking account that they have and how to sign into them. It gives me very little faith in our so-called Higher Education systems.
You're a doctor? WOW. How did you make it through medical school and you still can’t turn on your computer?
Remember, you called ME because YOU had a problem. I did not call you... Not to mention you interrupted my little game of solitar you ass hole.
I'd like to see the day "Hi this is Jennie from FastTax, I just wanted to know if you had problems installing your program... Oh you did? Oh, you don’t like our product, by all means, bitch away….”
Fuck that. Respect people, no matter if you are standing in front of them or on the phone. Your little "I am top dog" shit doesn't work with me buddy.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
It's like finding $$ in your winter coat pocket from last year!
People always told me that when I’m writing to write what I can, leave it then come back to it later and often there will be revisions and then you may find yourself liking what you’ve written. I’ve never been one to like anything I write (yes, I too suffer from being my own worst critic…) Anyway, I was browsing my deviant art account and I checked the scraps section and found this little poem… And I liked it. I checked the date and I wrote it almost a year ago… 2 days short of being a year, but who’s really counting? I made a few word changes, but over all the poem is still the same that I wrote then.
So here is my untitled poem….
I’m waiting for you to come around,
But I’ve waited here before,
Minutes seemed like hours,
Hours seemed like days.
I’m lost and incomplete,
cold within myself,
Unforgettable dreams of you
and nothing feels the same.
My nights are haunted memories
in pictures and in dreams
you’ve picked the path most traveled
which doesn’t lead to me
So make your choice again,
and choose the broken path
You’ve already walked the half,
Come home safe to me.
- Jennifer Marie
So here is my untitled poem….
I’m waiting for you to come around,
But I’ve waited here before,
Minutes seemed like hours,
Hours seemed like days.
I’m lost and incomplete,
cold within myself,
Unforgettable dreams of you
and nothing feels the same.
My nights are haunted memories
in pictures and in dreams
you’ve picked the path most traveled
which doesn’t lead to me
So make your choice again,
and choose the broken path
You’ve already walked the half,
Come home safe to me.
- Jennifer Marie
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
The 1st of the Dear Sally Periodicals...
So yes, I am a bit stubborn about inside jokes being inside jokes between certain people.
Actually, I take that back, I’m stubborn about certain inside jokes being spread and turned into inside jokes with other people who were not part of the inside joke to begin with.
This is my little bitch-rant. I’m entitled to a once a week bitch-rant. And this is what I choose to have it on.
You bring it up to said person that your feelings were kind of hurt in such a situation and I love how they always get defensive about shit. Its like, Listen, bitch, I’m trying to tell you how I feel because you’ve complained that we don’t talk and when I do, you fucking get defensive about shit. OR make it seem like what I’m saying is petty… and it may be, but I’m fucking telling you for a god damn reason…not just to hear myself banter, because if I wanted to hear my own banter, I would do it WITHOUT you present.
[Edit: An Explanation- My Friend Ash and I had this inside joke where we had a gang sign for the "hood" we grew up in, which really isn’t a hood at all. It’s Rich-People-Are Us. And it was called the OV gang sign, which we kind of did just to be silly. Well that’s sort of always been our thing, we'd throw up the OV when people were doing West side... well all the sudden she has pictures and comments about the OV gangster’s and stuff. And it totally pisses me off… because I started that. And she makes it seem like everyone does it, which they don’t, it’s only because she’s said something to them. So I told her this and she shrugged it off. Over Reacting? Probably... : end edit]
So Tra la la, Tra La Lee…
Fuck you for taking something that meant something to me and turning it into such a fucking pop icon between you and your other friends.
I’ve decided to call my bitch-rants the Dear Sally Periodicals…So if you see this you may want to skip a head and not read them…Or read them, you may get amused by my tirades...
Actually, I take that back, I’m stubborn about certain inside jokes being spread and turned into inside jokes with other people who were not part of the inside joke to begin with.
This is my little bitch-rant. I’m entitled to a once a week bitch-rant. And this is what I choose to have it on.
You bring it up to said person that your feelings were kind of hurt in such a situation and I love how they always get defensive about shit. Its like, Listen, bitch, I’m trying to tell you how I feel because you’ve complained that we don’t talk and when I do, you fucking get defensive about shit. OR make it seem like what I’m saying is petty… and it may be, but I’m fucking telling you for a god damn reason…not just to hear myself banter, because if I wanted to hear my own banter, I would do it WITHOUT you present.
[Edit: An Explanation- My Friend Ash and I had this inside joke where we had a gang sign for the "hood" we grew up in, which really isn’t a hood at all. It’s Rich-People-Are Us. And it was called the OV gang sign, which we kind of did just to be silly. Well that’s sort of always been our thing, we'd throw up the OV when people were doing West side... well all the sudden she has pictures and comments about the OV gangster’s and stuff. And it totally pisses me off… because I started that. And she makes it seem like everyone does it, which they don’t, it’s only because she’s said something to them. So I told her this and she shrugged it off. Over Reacting? Probably... : end edit]
So Tra la la, Tra La Lee…
Fuck you for taking something that meant something to me and turning it into such a fucking pop icon between you and your other friends.
I’ve decided to call my bitch-rants the Dear Sally Periodicals…So if you see this you may want to skip a head and not read them…Or read them, you may get amused by my tirades...
Saturday, November 25, 2006
to affect sharply with some sensation or emotion, as of cold, pain, or grief
I’m not a cutter. I don’t burn myself. In fact the only “self-mutilation” I do really is piercing and tattoos, and they have become less taboo than they used to be. And you’re not considered to have some sort of mental issue because you have tattoos or piercings.
However, I think my mentality is a bit skewed. I don’t really cause too much harm to myself. But when I get overwhelmed with stress or anxiety I tend to get tattooed and/or pierced...which I’m sure is some sort of psychologically messed up mentality... The justification I have for all of this is that I generally want these things, its just I don’t usually do them until I feel entirely too overwhelmed with stress and/or emotions.
So I’ve pierced myself.
I’ll have to say chewing has become an obstacle for me. I have rather small bottom teeth, so the flat end of my labret piercing hits right at the top of my teeth. That makes things a bit more difficult.
This is a problem, because when most people chew, they tend to chew rather carelessly. Unfortunately this has become something I cannot do. Each bite I take is taken into careful consideration and slowly chewed as to not get carried away and snag my lip ring on my teeth… because that’s really not the coolest feeling in the world.
It really is the simple things in life that you realize…. Like who’d have thought I’d have to be so careful when I chew… and not even in that “I’m eating a bag of chips in class, I don’t want to crunch too loud” kind of careful.
Ah well, I look cute so I don’t care.
However, I think my mentality is a bit skewed. I don’t really cause too much harm to myself. But when I get overwhelmed with stress or anxiety I tend to get tattooed and/or pierced...which I’m sure is some sort of psychologically messed up mentality... The justification I have for all of this is that I generally want these things, its just I don’t usually do them until I feel entirely too overwhelmed with stress and/or emotions.
So I’ve pierced myself.
I’ll have to say chewing has become an obstacle for me. I have rather small bottom teeth, so the flat end of my labret piercing hits right at the top of my teeth. That makes things a bit more difficult.
This is a problem, because when most people chew, they tend to chew rather carelessly. Unfortunately this has become something I cannot do. Each bite I take is taken into careful consideration and slowly chewed as to not get carried away and snag my lip ring on my teeth… because that’s really not the coolest feeling in the world.
It really is the simple things in life that you realize…. Like who’d have thought I’d have to be so careful when I chew… and not even in that “I’m eating a bag of chips in class, I don’t want to crunch too loud” kind of careful.
Ah well, I look cute so I don’t care.
Monday, November 20, 2006
ABC as easy as 123.... or Not?
So I had my first court ordered counseling session which I lovingly refer to as the “Circle Jerk.” I went into this trying to be optimistic because lets be honest, I didn’t have control of my life at the time, and now I’m trying to regain control and look at everything with a positive aspect.
We talked about the ABC’s of Reality… which really is ABCDE of reality and how they effect situations. I’m going to try and remember all of them; it wasn’t a bad concept to think about so yes I did walk away from the thing with something new in my head. However, what I didn’t agree with was how the group was guided.
A = Activating Event: Something Happens. These Activating Events can bemajor: job loss, serious illness, death of a loved one, failing at somethingvery important. They can also be a series of minor annoyances that add-up over time: spilled coffee, broken shoelaces, a long line at the bank or grocery store. Activating Events always have something to do with your goals (what you want) being either aided or interfered with... They are always neutral (until B kicks in )
B = Beliefs: Thoughts, & Attitudes about "A" These Beliefs can be RATIONAL (Reality based, logical & self helping) and they can be IRRATIONAL (Demand & wishful thinking based, illogical and self-Defeating) This is also known as “Self-talk” What you tell yourself based on what you believe and know.
C = Consequences: The Emotions (Mad, Sad, Scared & Glad) and Behaviors that are the results of A (Activating Event) + B (Beliefs)
D = Disputes: Arguments against irrational beliefs
E = Effects: of the disputes. New emotions and behaviors that result from replacing irrational beliefs with rational ones.
An Example of this would be – A.) I forged a doctor’s signature on a letter so that I could get time off of work. B.) I did this because I felt that I needed the time off and would not get caught, even though I felt bad, I knew that it would be okay. C.) I was hurting so that over ruled my general thoughts and beliefs that say I shouldn’t do this. D.) I went back and forth between good and bad on which I should do. It’s the classic angel on your shoulder piece. E.) is what you decided to go with, generally not a good thing.
The point of the exercise was to use this process to think about your thinking, which often will help you avoid getting in a situation you don’t want to be by being irrational. It helps you rationalize your thoughts and clearly see the activating event as a neutral thing.
Like I said it wasn’t what we did because the concept and theory is quite good and it was something that sparked thoughts for me. What I had a problem with was how he (The Counselor) handled or facilitated the group session. His questions were very “court appointed” when going into a therapy session I have realized that as the facilitator you are supposed to be objective, not subjected to what people are sharing. It’s probably not a good idea to place blame but rather assist someone in the rationalization that they need to accept responsibility for their actions.
The facilitator also bothered me because he looked a lot like my step-father and it gave me the creeps. It was very hard for me to sit in the room and not instantly twitch from the memories in my life that haunt me.
I would like to get through my time in therapy relatively quickly with as little participation as possible. If they need me to cry a bit, I will just please, let this rip off quickly like a Band-Aid because the next 32 weeks I will be paying 20.00 every Sunday to participate in a therapy session lead by a guy that makes me convulse. In essence, I’m paying for a seizure… Not really all that fun.
We talked about the ABC’s of Reality… which really is ABCDE of reality and how they effect situations. I’m going to try and remember all of them; it wasn’t a bad concept to think about so yes I did walk away from the thing with something new in my head. However, what I didn’t agree with was how the group was guided.
A = Activating Event: Something Happens. These Activating Events can bemajor: job loss, serious illness, death of a loved one, failing at somethingvery important. They can also be a series of minor annoyances that add-up over time: spilled coffee, broken shoelaces, a long line at the bank or grocery store. Activating Events always have something to do with your goals (what you want) being either aided or interfered with... They are always neutral (until B kicks in )
B = Beliefs: Thoughts, & Attitudes about "A" These Beliefs can be RATIONAL (Reality based, logical & self helping) and they can be IRRATIONAL (Demand & wishful thinking based, illogical and self-Defeating) This is also known as “Self-talk” What you tell yourself based on what you believe and know.
C = Consequences: The Emotions (Mad, Sad, Scared & Glad) and Behaviors that are the results of A (Activating Event) + B (Beliefs)
D = Disputes: Arguments against irrational beliefs
E = Effects: of the disputes. New emotions and behaviors that result from replacing irrational beliefs with rational ones.
An Example of this would be – A.) I forged a doctor’s signature on a letter so that I could get time off of work. B.) I did this because I felt that I needed the time off and would not get caught, even though I felt bad, I knew that it would be okay. C.) I was hurting so that over ruled my general thoughts and beliefs that say I shouldn’t do this. D.) I went back and forth between good and bad on which I should do. It’s the classic angel on your shoulder piece. E.) is what you decided to go with, generally not a good thing.
The point of the exercise was to use this process to think about your thinking, which often will help you avoid getting in a situation you don’t want to be by being irrational. It helps you rationalize your thoughts and clearly see the activating event as a neutral thing.
Like I said it wasn’t what we did because the concept and theory is quite good and it was something that sparked thoughts for me. What I had a problem with was how he (The Counselor) handled or facilitated the group session. His questions were very “court appointed” when going into a therapy session I have realized that as the facilitator you are supposed to be objective, not subjected to what people are sharing. It’s probably not a good idea to place blame but rather assist someone in the rationalization that they need to accept responsibility for their actions.
The facilitator also bothered me because he looked a lot like my step-father and it gave me the creeps. It was very hard for me to sit in the room and not instantly twitch from the memories in my life that haunt me.
I would like to get through my time in therapy relatively quickly with as little participation as possible. If they need me to cry a bit, I will just please, let this rip off quickly like a Band-Aid because the next 32 weeks I will be paying 20.00 every Sunday to participate in a therapy session lead by a guy that makes me convulse. In essence, I’m paying for a seizure… Not really all that fun.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Wow, You need a Full Length Mirror.
I hate pregnant girls that don’t take care of themselves and dress like slobs.
I’m sorry but sweat pants are not an acceptable means of clothing when your pregnant, freaking take care of yourself and dress as you would if you were not pregnant, they have cute pregnant clothe! I do have a lot of tangents to go off on. But it’s just that people irritate me.
I mean specially if you’re not all that attractive and you dress gross, that doesn’t help you. You know? Like Im a fat kid, but I dress fairly decently so I can play off what I do have. Boobs, a cute face, and personality... but ugly people who dress bad, its like uh... what do you have that’s good? Nada. John and I have come to the conclusion that people either a.) Do not own a mirror or b.) Don’t care. And I for one cannot understand how someone cannot care about their appearance. Seriously. These are the same people that are bitching about people not being interested in them. Maybe because they dress a step up from hobo on the street and sometimes it’s not even a step up. Personally, if I look like shit, I know it and Im freaking out because of it and want to go home or to a store so I can change.
So there is this girl at my work, who doesn’t give a crap what she looks like and it shows. She is NOT pretty and she has a shitty attitude and worse she’s pregnant and she’s over here talking about how she’s going to make sweatpants her wardrobe for the pregnancy and I’m like ... um... How about a brush, buy one of those. And maybe do your hair.. it looks nappy. She spends money on getting her nails and toes done, how about spend some money on clothes so you can dress yourself?
I’m not saying sweats are a bad thing at all; I just wouldn’t wear them outside of my house. When I go in public I dress well, I feel gross otherwise. Not saying everyone feels gross otherwise, they, in my opinion just look bad.
Dress as though you feel good about yourself. Not as though you are trying to overcome the plague. Just a thought.
I’m sorry but sweat pants are not an acceptable means of clothing when your pregnant, freaking take care of yourself and dress as you would if you were not pregnant, they have cute pregnant clothe! I do have a lot of tangents to go off on. But it’s just that people irritate me.
I mean specially if you’re not all that attractive and you dress gross, that doesn’t help you. You know? Like Im a fat kid, but I dress fairly decently so I can play off what I do have. Boobs, a cute face, and personality... but ugly people who dress bad, its like uh... what do you have that’s good? Nada. John and I have come to the conclusion that people either a.) Do not own a mirror or b.) Don’t care. And I for one cannot understand how someone cannot care about their appearance. Seriously. These are the same people that are bitching about people not being interested in them. Maybe because they dress a step up from hobo on the street and sometimes it’s not even a step up. Personally, if I look like shit, I know it and Im freaking out because of it and want to go home or to a store so I can change.
So there is this girl at my work, who doesn’t give a crap what she looks like and it shows. She is NOT pretty and she has a shitty attitude and worse she’s pregnant and she’s over here talking about how she’s going to make sweatpants her wardrobe for the pregnancy and I’m like ... um... How about a brush, buy one of those. And maybe do your hair.. it looks nappy. She spends money on getting her nails and toes done, how about spend some money on clothes so you can dress yourself?
I’m not saying sweats are a bad thing at all; I just wouldn’t wear them outside of my house. When I go in public I dress well, I feel gross otherwise. Not saying everyone feels gross otherwise, they, in my opinion just look bad.
Dress as though you feel good about yourself. Not as though you are trying to overcome the plague. Just a thought.
This Emo moment brought to you by the Color Purple.
Is it weird that I can find a song to fit the moment? Any moment at all…So its really no wonder that as I’m sitting here in what I call “one of my moods.”
The song that I can find to fit the perfectly with how I’ve been feeling since the holidays are approaching is actually an Avril Lavigne song…
Nobody’s Home
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what’s wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
A lot of melancholy feelings about the Holidays coming up because I’m so used to being with family, I am used to the tradition. I’ve never truly spent a holiday alone before and ever since the Incident, I’ve felt very secluded from my family (with reason.) but very disappointed in myself.
I’ve been trying focusing my attention on work and trying not to let it bother me. I know the person I am, and I know how when I let things get to me, they take me down far. So I built these walls to distract me from myself and to guide myself into a happier life, but my walls are seemly breakable.
The song that I can find to fit the perfectly with how I’ve been feeling since the holidays are approaching is actually an Avril Lavigne song…
Nobody’s Home
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what’s wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
A lot of melancholy feelings about the Holidays coming up because I’m so used to being with family, I am used to the tradition. I’ve never truly spent a holiday alone before and ever since the Incident, I’ve felt very secluded from my family (with reason.) but very disappointed in myself.
I’ve been trying focusing my attention on work and trying not to let it bother me. I know the person I am, and I know how when I let things get to me, they take me down far. So I built these walls to distract me from myself and to guide myself into a happier life, but my walls are seemly breakable.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Today is a day of reckoning let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
“I’ve died again/I'm going under/Drowning in you/I'm falling forever/I've got to break through/I'm going under/blurring and stirring the truth and the lies/so I don't know what's real and what's not/always confusing the thoughts in my head/so I can't trust myself anymore” – Evanescence (Going Under)
There used to be a time in my life when these lyrics would sting into me at how obviously they fit me. How much I distrusted myself and my ideas. How little confidence I had in myself and what I could do. There was also a time where I wouldn’t try for anything, I just sat hopelessly waiting.
I think a lot of my friendships suffered from this dark period in my life. With all the lies and deceit that consumed my daily life I couldn’t function as a person. There always has to be a turning point and I thought I hit it a while ago but I was wrong. I didn’t realize how truly wrong I was and it seemed that I wanted to start changing but I couldn’t figure out where I was to start. There were so many things in my life that I was not happy with, it was hard for me to find the breaking point, which said “look, you have to start here.” I was looking for that guiding hand to take me to where I wanted.
When I did hit the rock bottom, I realized what type of life I was living and how childish I truly was. I needed this to happen so that I could rebuild my life and cut ties that weren’t needed. To figure out whom I really was and what I really wanted. I needed that cold night to think and after the anger subsided, it was like I wanted to thank her.
It sound weird coming from my fingers or even my mouth that I would want to thank her because now for the next two years I am faced with my judgment day. Am I truly tough enough to take what has been thrown my way? Will I be able to straighten myself out so that I can live a life I can be happy about? I am now finally able to stop blaming others for the problems in my life and accept the things that have happened. I want to change the past, but I can’t. I can however change my future.
I saw a movie (A Walk to Remember) that once said, “Without suffering there would be no compassion.” I can’t help but think it fits me perfectly.
“Looking back on the things I’ve done, I was trying to be someone, I played my part, kept you in the dark, now let me show you the shape of my heart” I could say that to myself over and over….The reality of it.
It’s Independence Day.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Would you take my picture? Cause I wont Remember.
This is a photo I took while at the All Souls Procession on Sunday November 5th. This is just an underpass for cars and walking but it was creepy and I liked the lines from the shadows.
This is a self portrait of me. The words and stars were added in Photoshop. The words are actually from an Evanescence song My Immortal I just like how the photo turned out.
Sorry for the Convenience
So in the bathroom, how come they feel the need to put "Provided by management for your convenience" on the toilet seat covers...Just random thoughts about that... Wouldn’t it be an INCONVENIENCE if someone got some crabs because they didn't provide sanitary places to piss?
Or are they trying to point out that they didn’t have to provide the seat covers and they are such noble souls for having done so. Or are they just factious bastards.
So yea, that was my random thought about that my story. I thought of this, while I was in the restroom avoiding the pointless training my job has subjected me to.....I didn’t have to pee, I was just pretending I did.. as I often do through out the day.
I also like the ‘reading material’ provided at Wal-mart about shop lifting... Something like…
"Stealing isn’t a joke, its not even a thrill (Mental note: it could be?) ... It is a crime that could end up haunting you for the rest of your life."
I love that last line, very intimidating, it’s like I can hear the guy that does all the movie announcing voice in my head as I read this.. It makes me giggle and reminds me of the time we (a friend of mine and I) stole a prom dress from a department store when I was in high school…That was kind of a thrill, and a joke all in one. And it was hilarious. Not to say I promote stealing at all because I don’t. And as an adult don’t do it. It just makes me giggle the stuff they put on signs these days.
Sometimes you just got to go a little crazy, steal a sweater... maybe even a highlighter from an un expecting auto shop who didn’t finish your tires on time...Hey, they deserved it! Take that. And to quote Dane Cook, "You remember me forever!"
Or are they trying to point out that they didn’t have to provide the seat covers and they are such noble souls for having done so. Or are they just factious bastards.
So yea, that was my random thought about that my story. I thought of this, while I was in the restroom avoiding the pointless training my job has subjected me to.....I didn’t have to pee, I was just pretending I did.. as I often do through out the day.
I also like the ‘reading material’ provided at Wal-mart about shop lifting... Something like…
"Stealing isn’t a joke, its not even a thrill (Mental note: it could be?) ... It is a crime that could end up haunting you for the rest of your life."
I love that last line, very intimidating, it’s like I can hear the guy that does all the movie announcing voice in my head as I read this.. It makes me giggle and reminds me of the time we (a friend of mine and I) stole a prom dress from a department store when I was in high school…That was kind of a thrill, and a joke all in one. And it was hilarious. Not to say I promote stealing at all because I don’t. And as an adult don’t do it. It just makes me giggle the stuff they put on signs these days.
Sometimes you just got to go a little crazy, steal a sweater... maybe even a highlighter from an un expecting auto shop who didn’t finish your tires on time...Hey, they deserved it! Take that. And to quote Dane Cook, "You remember me forever!"
Friday, November 03, 2006
*poof* and then it hit me
I had a writing spurt where it was just like *thwap* and I was off and typing...This is the product of an unexpected light.
Moonlit Goddess
Illuminated by the light of the moon,
Figure shadowed by moments past
Raven black hair arbitrarily spills,
Down porcelain shoulders.
Perched by window cove,
Legs tucked under delicate body,
As white waterfalls of her dress,
Billow over the sides of which she sits
Angelic figure in nature's light
Crimson lips turn up in smile.
Gazing forward, as if she knows
This secret held, in emerald eyes.
- The Graffito
Moonlit Goddess
Illuminated by the light of the moon,
Figure shadowed by moments past
Raven black hair arbitrarily spills,
Down porcelain shoulders.
Perched by window cove,
Legs tucked under delicate body,
As white waterfalls of her dress,
Billow over the sides of which she sits
Angelic figure in nature's light
Crimson lips turn up in smile.
Gazing forward, as if she knows
This secret held, in emerald eyes.
- The Graffito
Thursday, November 02, 2006
I was born a writer
No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remain unsaved.- Alice Seabold
I started this entry with a quote from a book I read because in essence, its words I have started to try to live by. I used to think everyone would help me get where I want and it wasn’t until recently that I realized they won’t. I have to save myself…this relates to my writing a lot because of several reasons.
I was born a writer, but have come to grips with the fact that I may not be a good writer. Or maybe to me, I am not a good writer because I read others’ work and I’m in awe at the amazing talent and free flow some people have. It’s almost like what they do is effortless. Take my friend Jess for example. I could read anything she wrote, even if it was direction on how to make mince meat pie. It’s how she writes that amazes me. It’s the humor in it. I wish I had her talent.
Or John for another example, I didn’t think of him as much of a writer but I had the pleasure and honor of reading some things he wrote the other day and I was amazed at his ability to be the words. I could almost feel the emotions that were spilled into his words. It seemed so natural; the feelings were clearly scrawled out before me.
I know that writing will be something that will be a learning process for me for as long as I continue to do so. And as long as I continue to read and write, the better I will be. I know that I will have to seek the advice of others and take their constructive feed back without getting so down when they do, because it will only make me a stronger writer.
I may not be good, but what I love about my writing and about me is that I write not because it’s something to do, but because it’s who I am. I was born a writer. Its almost as though ink flows through my veins.
Used to scribble stories,
Crayola colors were the tool
That blended colors on the page.
My chubby fingers held the power
Of my complicated mind.
And as I grew older
The pictures became words,
That transcribed the way I felt.
And the writing held the power,
Of a darker broken heart
But what happens when,
I can’t find the words;
To articulate the thoughts
Is it a loss of my existence?
Or a smoke screen in my head.
-The Graffito
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
If you give a Jess a cookie....
I sent This picture in an e-mail to my friend Jess… this was the e-mail conversations that followed. This is also why I love her.
Jess: Thanks for crashing my computer with that last email… that was super, thanks
Jennie: Really? Your computer sucks.
Jess: My Company’s bigger than yours. There’s no way our computers suck
Jennie: Your Company is not a TECHNOLOGY industry. Thank you. Yes, they can suck
Jess: My Company is a nationwide industry handling multimillion dollar accounts every moment. If our technology sucks, there’s a problem. “Oops, our system died, that wire transfer’s not going to go through."
Jennie: You don’t think we work with financial partners? Johns in the military, he saw it just fine. Musta been user error then?
Jess: User error?? ME??? How DARE you insinuate I might not be technologically savvy? I figured out how a gas can worked at 12:30 at night, sitting in an oil spot in the middle of a street, with a military man holding the flashlight for ME. HAH. Technologize THAT.
Jennie: Auto has nothing to do with computers…What’s a cache? Or Cookie? What do they do...And no cache isn’t a store in the mall... and a cookie isn’t something you eat. Well it is… but not when we're talking computers.
Jess: That took me a minute. I was like, wait, yes they are…
Jennie: LOL… yea you know your mind went straight to that.
Jess: Cache is a place to hold things… It’s where squirrels put their food... “I shop at Cache… it is too a store in the mall. Don’t tell me it’s a figment of my imagination. I started taking pills to prevent that”
Jess: Thanks for crashing my computer with that last email… that was super, thanks
Jennie: Really? Your computer sucks.
Jess: My Company’s bigger than yours. There’s no way our computers suck
Jennie: Your Company is not a TECHNOLOGY industry. Thank you. Yes, they can suck
Jess: My Company is a nationwide industry handling multimillion dollar accounts every moment. If our technology sucks, there’s a problem. “Oops, our system died, that wire transfer’s not going to go through."
Jennie: You don’t think we work with financial partners? Johns in the military, he saw it just fine. Musta been user error then?
Jess: User error?? ME??? How DARE you insinuate I might not be technologically savvy? I figured out how a gas can worked at 12:30 at night, sitting in an oil spot in the middle of a street, with a military man holding the flashlight for ME. HAH. Technologize THAT.
Jennie: Auto has nothing to do with computers…What’s a cache? Or Cookie? What do they do...And no cache isn’t a store in the mall... and a cookie isn’t something you eat. Well it is… but not when we're talking computers.
Jess: That took me a minute. I was like, wait, yes they are…
Jennie: LOL… yea you know your mind went straight to that.
Jess: Cache is a place to hold things… It’s where squirrels put their food... “I shop at Cache… it is too a store in the mall. Don’t tell me it’s a figment of my imagination. I started taking pills to prevent that”
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Confessions of a FastTax Techie
So, with the new product being launched in mid-November, my company is getting ready to send out the automatic renewal customers the product, this weekend we began sending authorizations for charges. Authorizations. That is all; we have yet to charge anyone for the product, as it states in the e-mail “you will not be charged until the product actually ships. And yet Monday, while I was in training we were in queue. 600 calls waiting to be taken at 8:30 AM. Cancel training. We’re on the phones.
What you don’t understand is these people were sent eight, count it, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight mailers since august telling them to either update or cancel their automatic renewal. So why, are they so shocked now? Even worse, these people SIGN UP for this.. (Read the small print people, read… the... small… print)
I’ve been stuck on e-mails to update customer information on the automatic renewals (and have done over time to do this for the past two days.) This is an actual e-mail I received from a customer. The only thing that has been changed is the name, to protect me and the innocent little moron who sent the e-mail.
Please do mot send me this product your company said i ordered it. I never order or set up auto renewal for this product. Please, do not mail me, I do not want to touch it, it any product comes to me, I will have to sue your company for mailing such products and taking money from my account for such product I do not order.
Plerase be advised.THanks,
Lamer McLamerson
Okay first of all, was he suffering from fat finger situation? Second of all, spell check… Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Thank you.
Also, I was unaware that this product was like slim that you hold it in such strong regards as to not even wanting to TOUCH it. Oh goodness, its toxic. Watch out.
And third of all, good luck suing because you can’t read, I’m sure that will hold up real strong. “But your honor, I can’t read!” Good Argument buddy, good Argument.
What you don’t understand is these people were sent eight, count it, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight mailers since august telling them to either update or cancel their automatic renewal. So why, are they so shocked now? Even worse, these people SIGN UP for this.. (Read the small print people, read… the... small… print)
I’ve been stuck on e-mails to update customer information on the automatic renewals (and have done over time to do this for the past two days.) This is an actual e-mail I received from a customer. The only thing that has been changed is the name, to protect me and the innocent little moron who sent the e-mail.
Please do mot send me this product your company said i ordered it. I never order or set up auto renewal for this product. Please, do not mail me, I do not want to touch it, it any product comes to me, I will have to sue your company for mailing such products and taking money from my account for such product I do not order.
Plerase be advised.THanks,
Lamer McLamerson
Okay first of all, was he suffering from fat finger situation? Second of all, spell check… Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Thank you.
Also, I was unaware that this product was like slim that you hold it in such strong regards as to not even wanting to TOUCH it. Oh goodness, its toxic. Watch out.
And third of all, good luck suing because you can’t read, I’m sure that will hold up real strong. “But your honor, I can’t read!” Good Argument buddy, good Argument.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Could you take my picture? ‘Cuz I wont remember
So I guess I should break out the photo album and maybe even do a post relating to photography.
A little inside information on what started the photography craze inside of my soul.
I was standing on the beach in southern California and the sun was beginning to set. Each day we would wake up to clear skies and sunshine but upon sun setting the clouds would roll in. On this particular day, the sun was shinning through the clouds in what I now refer to as “God’s Light” because it gives me a very cathedral like feeling ::insert monks praying sound here:: With my handy dandy disposable camera, I snapped a picture.
Upon my return to Arizona, I developed the film from the trip. This among many other photos stood out in my brain. This was something I was born to do, or was I? I had always considered myself a writer so the thought that I had a talent for something other than writing never occurred to me, I gently shoved aside my photography desires and continued with my writing interest, focusing very heavily on these goals.
It wouldn’t be until a year later that the photography flame was ignited again when I snapped this picture of my best friend Ashley (See below.) Something about the dept to this pictures the clouds and the desolate background to where she stood. From this photograph the flame was ignited once more. I spent the next 4 years trying to convince my grandmother to buy me a digital camera from my birthday. Until then I continued my ventures with all of the disposable cameras I had, trying to be creative in the photos I took. I was 17 at the time.
It wasn’t until I was 21 that my grandmother FINALLY heard my wishes and for Christmas I received a digital camera. After two months of using my Fuji FinePix 350,I upgraded to the Fuji FinePix S5200… I have since done 3 independent photo shoots with friends and 1 paid wedding.
The first picture ant the last pictures are of my good friend Kat. They are from a recent “Fallen Angel” shoot I did with her in a local grave yard here in Tucson, Arizona.
I was told I had “an eye for photography” what do you think?
Friday, October 27, 2006
I'll have whatever you have come on, just give it up girl
The beat was pumping; the groove was strong, bodies pressed against one another. In their skimpy skirts and revealing shirts, the girls of the night were dressed to kill. Well, except for maybe that weird guy in the corner with the facial hair who kept twitching occasionally as he sipped his drink quietly and gawked… awkward.
Okay so maybe not everyone was dressed to kill.
Let’s see if I can paint a picture for you. I’m a slightly overweight…....okay moderately overweight…... alright I’m a fat kid who’s very insecure in a club/bar setting. So instead of slipping into the tightest clothes possible...
Oh you all know the story, overweight girl squeezes into skirt she shouldn’t be wearing that’s about 4 inches from her kooter with cellulite thighs jiggling when she walks and a top that exposes the flabby arms (that’s she also shouldn’t be wearing.) Yeah, that story. Are you repulsed yet? I am.
But not me, no, I wore a long sleeved knit charcoal sweater that buttoned with 3 buttons into a V-neck, under I was wearing a tank top with bra built in (no really, there’s like a bra sewn into the tank top) and then another tank top over it. A pair of jeans, and combat boots, yes I wore combat boots to a club, where usually you’re supposed to dress to impress and by guidelines that mean you are not supposed to be even remotely comfortable. I was.
My first drink of the night was a shot of Jager. First of all, that drinks taste like black licorice. Have I mentioned I absolutely despise black licorice? So drink one was followed by drink 2, because obviously 2 follows 1… Blow job, which I was then handed black label whiskey, which I drank… and liked. Followed by another shot of Jager and then sex on the beach… this coming from the girl who had one Chocolate Martini got tipsy a few days ago?
So after this I was feeling… That whoever decided to put stairs in a bar was a fucking moron… Then one of my friends decided pouring beer down my shirt would be good. So I smelled of beer and my cleavage was sticky… How’s that for dressed to impress?
So the beat was strong, and for the first 10 minutes I felt out of place and lost, after the third drink I was feeling a bit better, the 4 drink was awesome. But I do need to learn to grow some balls and tell people to move. Because squeaking, “excuse me” isn’t going to get people out of my way.
Okay so maybe not everyone was dressed to kill.
Let’s see if I can paint a picture for you. I’m a slightly overweight…....okay moderately overweight…... alright I’m a fat kid who’s very insecure in a club/bar setting. So instead of slipping into the tightest clothes possible...
Oh you all know the story, overweight girl squeezes into skirt she shouldn’t be wearing that’s about 4 inches from her kooter with cellulite thighs jiggling when she walks and a top that exposes the flabby arms (that’s she also shouldn’t be wearing.) Yeah, that story. Are you repulsed yet? I am.
But not me, no, I wore a long sleeved knit charcoal sweater that buttoned with 3 buttons into a V-neck, under I was wearing a tank top with bra built in (no really, there’s like a bra sewn into the tank top) and then another tank top over it. A pair of jeans, and combat boots, yes I wore combat boots to a club, where usually you’re supposed to dress to impress and by guidelines that mean you are not supposed to be even remotely comfortable. I was.
My first drink of the night was a shot of Jager. First of all, that drinks taste like black licorice. Have I mentioned I absolutely despise black licorice? So drink one was followed by drink 2, because obviously 2 follows 1… Blow job, which I was then handed black label whiskey, which I drank… and liked. Followed by another shot of Jager and then sex on the beach… this coming from the girl who had one Chocolate Martini got tipsy a few days ago?
So after this I was feeling… That whoever decided to put stairs in a bar was a fucking moron… Then one of my friends decided pouring beer down my shirt would be good. So I smelled of beer and my cleavage was sticky… How’s that for dressed to impress?
So the beat was strong, and for the first 10 minutes I felt out of place and lost, after the third drink I was feeling a bit better, the 4 drink was awesome. But I do need to learn to grow some balls and tell people to move. Because squeaking, “excuse me” isn’t going to get people out of my way.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Ode to my customers who took the Stupid Pill
I guess I should back up a bit and give a little explanation of where exactly I work. I work for a Company that assists with the tax filing. It's product is an actual tax filing program. For the purpose of this demonstration we’ll call it… FastTax...
The following are mostly true events; well they were the dialogue I created after experiences very similar, if not identical to what happens below. I got a good laugh out of it, figured I could share it.
Its funny how placing a customer on hold when they cannot get the correct information for you turns on a light bulb in their head.
Me: "May I have your account number, it should be located on the letter you received" Customer: "I cant find it"
Me(pauses, looks irritated): "Let me place you on hold while I research the account a bit further"
::Customer Placed on hold::
Me(after a 2 minutes of hold time): "Thank you for holding, I apologize for the delay"
Customer: "I found the account number"
Me (Thinks to self, I knew you would): Excellent what is it?
Same conversation (updating credit card number)
Me: I am ready for your new credit card number
Customer: Do you want me to read it to you?
Me: (to self) No, I aced my mind reading class, is it :: mumbles some number::
Me (for real this time in a sugary sweet voice.): Yes, please.
The following below didn’t actually happen… well... in my head it did.
Me: "I'm sorry Mr. Customer, are you retarded? No this is a serious question, do you suffer from mental disabilities that would enable you to function and think as a normal person?" Customer: Uh, no...
Me: Are you sure? You could probably get a tax cut for it.... Think about that for a second. I'll hold.
The following are mostly true events; well they were the dialogue I created after experiences very similar, if not identical to what happens below. I got a good laugh out of it, figured I could share it.
Its funny how placing a customer on hold when they cannot get the correct information for you turns on a light bulb in their head.
Me: "May I have your account number, it should be located on the letter you received" Customer: "I cant find it"
Me(pauses, looks irritated): "Let me place you on hold while I research the account a bit further"
::Customer Placed on hold::
Me(after a 2 minutes of hold time): "Thank you for holding, I apologize for the delay"
Customer: "I found the account number"
Me (Thinks to self, I knew you would): Excellent what is it?
Same conversation (updating credit card number)
Me: I am ready for your new credit card number
Customer: Do you want me to read it to you?
Me: (to self) No, I aced my mind reading class, is it :: mumbles some number::
Me (for real this time in a sugary sweet voice.): Yes, please.
The following below didn’t actually happen… well... in my head it did.
Me: "I'm sorry Mr. Customer, are you retarded? No this is a serious question, do you suffer from mental disabilities that would enable you to function and think as a normal person?" Customer: Uh, no...
Me: Are you sure? You could probably get a tax cut for it.... Think about that for a second. I'll hold.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
I need a price check on my sanity....
So there are a few things in my life that irritate the crap out of me… Work is one of them. I dream of being paid to be me… I’d like being able to just go around take pictures, set my own schedule. Does anyone know where I can find someone rich that wants to support my photography habit and me?
So anyway, that dream is a little bit out of my reach for now, so… I guess I just have these little stories to share as I move slowly, and by slowly I mean at a complete stop towards this dream…
Being a technical support agent is both mind-numbing and hysterical… but only because the job drives you to drink… That’s when it becomes funny...Our motto “Drink till you can’t feel what’s wrong.”
This is just one customer experience, I’m pretty sure there will be more.
It’s really bad when you have customers whose chairs are smarter than they are.
Example 1: The customer moved a folder from his My Documents to his Desktop.... So what's different?
This is what a path file location might look like...
C:/Documents and Settings/Jennie/My Documents/FastTax/ Jennie.tax
C:/Desktop/FastTax/Jennie.tax They have different FILE paths...
::bangs head against desk::
A program has to follow a certain file path. if you MOVE the folder that the program is used to following the computer goes "Wha? Where did it go? It’s gone!”::gasp::
Then it gives you an error message. In order to FIX that, you must tell the program, where the new file location is, by opening it....
Analogy I gave the Customer...
Your front door, you walk out it the same way every time.
One day you decide that you don't like where your front door is, so you remodel your house and move the location of your door and fill in the old spot with a wall.
So then that One day you forget you moved the door and go to walk out it where it used to be, but you cant, instead you walk face first into a wall... You say ouch, and your brain goes "oh, you moved the door, where did you move it" and then you tell your body to go where the new door is and you are able to exit your house.
He STILL did not understand the concept.......
I was telling a friend of this and he said, "Scares you to continue living, huh? For fear they might "infect" you ... as in "28 days later'"
To which my finally words are....
Get it off get it off its sucking my will to live! (Thank you Waynes world... Thank you Garth)
So anyway, that dream is a little bit out of my reach for now, so… I guess I just have these little stories to share as I move slowly, and by slowly I mean at a complete stop towards this dream…
Being a technical support agent is both mind-numbing and hysterical… but only because the job drives you to drink… That’s when it becomes funny...Our motto “Drink till you can’t feel what’s wrong.”
This is just one customer experience, I’m pretty sure there will be more.
It’s really bad when you have customers whose chairs are smarter than they are.
Example 1: The customer moved a folder from his My Documents to his Desktop.... So what's different?
This is what a path file location might look like...
C:/Documents and Settings/Jennie/My Documents/FastTax/ Jennie.tax
C:/Desktop/FastTax/Jennie.tax They have different FILE paths...
::bangs head against desk::
A program has to follow a certain file path. if you MOVE the folder that the program is used to following the computer goes "Wha? Where did it go? It’s gone!”::gasp::
Then it gives you an error message. In order to FIX that, you must tell the program, where the new file location is, by opening it....
Analogy I gave the Customer...
Your front door, you walk out it the same way every time.
One day you decide that you don't like where your front door is, so you remodel your house and move the location of your door and fill in the old spot with a wall.
So then that One day you forget you moved the door and go to walk out it where it used to be, but you cant, instead you walk face first into a wall... You say ouch, and your brain goes "oh, you moved the door, where did you move it" and then you tell your body to go where the new door is and you are able to exit your house.
He STILL did not understand the concept.......
I was telling a friend of this and he said, "Scares you to continue living, huh? For fear they might "infect" you ... as in "28 days later'"
To which my finally words are....
Get it off get it off its sucking my will to live! (Thank you Waynes world... Thank you Garth)
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Why do I read the writing on the wall
Well, this is probably my third bloging site…I decided this was going to be for a select few of my friends. The idea came to me yesterday while I was at work… I had a Trapt song stuck in my head, just a bit of it “Why do I read the writing on the wall"
And I decided that too often in life I don’t read the writing on the wall. By this I mean I don’t write enough thoughts that are random, I always have a set purpose for the other blogs I have instead of posting the random poetry, writing tidbits, quotes, ideas, and photos.
This is going to be the place for me to do so. With out any further “ado”, My First Post…
I can't explain what happened that day. All I know is things changed. The wind seemed the blow colder, nipping at my cheeks. If I had any tears left to cry, I'm almost positive they would have frozen to the rose petal red cheeks I had that December morning.
I balled my fist, my instinct wanted to strike him, knock him to the ground just to be able to see him finally fall. I wanted to get the rage away from me. To release the furry I had never felt so strong in my life.
I looked into his icy blue eyes. He was distant, almost vacant. My own brown eyes seemed to bleed into him. He had all of me. He was the only one who could make me crumble with very few words. The only one who could bandage the wounds.
It amazed me; the power he had.
And I decided that too often in life I don’t read the writing on the wall. By this I mean I don’t write enough thoughts that are random, I always have a set purpose for the other blogs I have instead of posting the random poetry, writing tidbits, quotes, ideas, and photos.
This is going to be the place for me to do so. With out any further “ado”, My First Post…
I can't explain what happened that day. All I know is things changed. The wind seemed the blow colder, nipping at my cheeks. If I had any tears left to cry, I'm almost positive they would have frozen to the rose petal red cheeks I had that December morning.
I balled my fist, my instinct wanted to strike him, knock him to the ground just to be able to see him finally fall. I wanted to get the rage away from me. To release the furry I had never felt so strong in my life.
I looked into his icy blue eyes. He was distant, almost vacant. My own brown eyes seemed to bleed into him. He had all of me. He was the only one who could make me crumble with very few words. The only one who could bandage the wounds.
It amazed me; the power he had.
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