Today is one of those days where I feel so blah, abandoned, and alone. It happens from time to time. And whenever I express my feelings towards it, I’m often told that what I’m feeling is ridiculous and that I’m just trying to cause guilt in other people. But it’s not really the case. It’s me who feels the guilt, because I feel like this. Because I feel like I should have more attention, when I get a little more than others.
Granted recently, I have had some, but mostly, I gave myself attention and occasionally there would be a little bit. Is it wrong of me to have wanted more? And that seems to be the problem. I need more than a few absentminded seconds before someone goes off to something else. I need a lot more, and I haven’t been able to get it in recent months, years really. I wanted to get better so I could do more things and not have to spend all my time alone in a bed healing. I wanted to be able to refresh and rejuvenate, get a better grasp of things. But it didn’t seem to go that way.
I can’t seem to move myself from needing people. Specific people. The people that don’t really have the time for me or the people who have that have other things to do. Being alone a lot gets to me… and then I get into these moods where I feel like my world is sinking and I forgot how to swim, and I almost just want to drown, but know I can’t.
I shouldn’t feel like this.
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