I remember feeling that wonder and amazement, I remember believing in Santa and getting excited about Santa taking time out of his ever-so-busy schedule to show up at our yearly Christmas Eve parties for my family. It was exciting for me and still to this day fills me all the warm and squishy feels. And I think that is perhaps what keeps me from being a complete Grinch on Christmas. Christmas changes when you’re an adult and no longer have children constantly around.It’s filled with less wonder and admiration. It’s filled with less belief and magic. I miss that.
I recall late one evening my grandparents were driving us back to my home after the party and I was leaning my head against the car door starring out at the sky. I remember specifically that it was a clear night, but chilly. I could see my breath on the window pane as I breathed in and out. And I recall getting excited because I saw something bright shoot across the sky and I can’t remember if it was my grandmother or my grandfather who said this, but someone told me it was Santa delivering presents. The idea of this excited me so much and to this day, if I see a shooting star in the cold December nights on Christmas Eve I think to myself, there goes Santa.
The relevance of why that shooting star was important on that night was because when we got home, my mom had wrapped herself in a box and we got to open that gift when we got home. She told us that Santa had just left and he wrapped her up for us. I don’t recall why she did it because it wasn’t like we hadn’t seen her in a long time. This wasn’t the case of her being in the service and gone for a long while, she just did it. And even still it was thrilling for me.
My heart tries to be harder than it is, but not everything about my childhood was terrible and it’s memories like this that help me create the idea of the kind of parent I’d like to be. I will tell my kids that that light across the sky was Santa delivering presents.
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