I want you to stay...

It’s my last day in Arizona and I have to say the feeling is all so bittersweet. I spent the entire summer here last year and I couldn’t wait to leave. This had nothing to do with the place itself but rather the occurrences in my life at the time. This time was good. Despite several setbacks, I met some amazing new people that I can’t help but want in my everyday life.

I met Jeremy first and while I only spent a few bits of time with him, he has this light about him that pulls you in. His wit and intelligence are on par and his attitude resembles that of Captain Jack Harkness (For you Doctor Who fans.) I enjoyed the adventures, the conversations and the inside jokes we created… He also showed me how to work my camera a bit better, so that’s always a win.

There was Elvin and I can only describe him as the nicest ass hole you’ll ever meet. After months of daily conversations (sometimes 4-5 hours a day) we got to actually hang out in person. And he was every bit as funny as I expected. His wit, his intelligence, humor and lets be honest, his good looks were all of what I had expected. I feel like I could spend hours with this guy and never once get bored. Even if he rambled about rap or Wrestling…. He’s got a good heart and he is part of the reason I am having a hard time going back. (Where were you last summer?)

But mostly, there’s my family and all the friends who have been there. I miss them. I miss sitting at one another’s houses or running to a pool to avoid the overly hot sun. I miss being there to see their children grow and not just on facebook.

My youngest nephew almost brought me to tears tonight…

Josh: Did you use to live here?

Me: I did, 5 years ago I lived here.

Josh: Why did you leave?

Me: I needed to get out, I don’t like it here

Josh: I wish you would move back.

Me: Why’s that?

Josh: Cause I like those friends of yours (Refering to my friend Ashley and her sister Taylor) (good moment gone!)

Me: Oh, only for them? You like them better than me?

Josh: No, I like you more than them… but Taylor was fun. Will you ever move back?

Me: I don't know.

I got to see Jeremiah in his earlier years, and now I feel like I’m missing out on Joshes life. At least this time he remembers who I am. I miss my sense of family, and I’ve spent so many years running away from everything that it truly makes you realize how alone I feel now that I’ve gone away. But, everyone has to do things on their own terms right?

Last summer I broke bonds and severed ties…. This summer I mended some of those bonds and I feel so much better now. I’m happy with my life, I just wish the people I adored so much didn’t live so far away. I miss them. And now I have more people to miss.

Life is funny sometimes.