Don't know how else to say it....

Can we say frustration much?

Seriously.

I've been trying hard not to totally explode on people and just unload every thought and emotion I have about whatever is bothering me because really, who wants to listen to someone's troubles? Not very many people and if they do listen they give these reject responses that do nothing by make me more frustrated. But then thats probably my own fault, of course.

There are so many things that are just irritating the hell out of me and if I try and get someone to listen to me vent, I just feel bad for even opening my mouth and question why I even feel the way I do.

Am I just an uptight person?

Or do I just suck THAT much to be around, that people can't really even make plans to hang out. I guess when I say I want to talk, really I don't want to talk I just want to do something that takes me mind off of all the shit thats going on in my life.

Rents due, and not to be a total jerk, but I'm willing to bet that my roommate doesn't have her share. I do, even though I just got laid off, I have the money for that. We got our first months phone bill, thats more than I expected it to be and neither of us have a job.

Is it sad that I think I'll have a job before my roommate gets one? Because she hasn't been working for two weeks....I get worried and frustrated because I'm the only one paying for anything. Money is coming up missing and so is a lot of my stuff and if it isn't missing its broken, and if its broken, of course I don't get told unless I happen to stumble upon it.

I expect people to be grown up about things, but apparently thats asking too much. Just like me asking for solid plans from people is too much. They can't ever say "yea, We'll do this" because they want to leave the door open just in case something better comes along... Because apparently I'm not worth it.

Please, reject me some more because I don't already feel like the worlds biggest reject. I can't even use my own god damned judgment to pick something good, I always end up picking the wrong thing.

Feeling fucking fantastic.

If my past is any sign of my future.

So after a bizarre dream I had last night I woke up with my brain already drilling me with questions and thoughts.

It could be the stresses I already have with current life situations that I have a habit of putting myself in out of my lack of judgment or ability to have poor judgment.

What kind of reject am I if someone with major problems doesn’t even want me? Its like, if I can’t get the hinky one eyed reject, what makes me think I’ll ever get anyone better?

I’ve thought about how I try to hold on to relationships that I have for whatever stupid reason, and as I think back on them, I wonder to myself why?

I’m pissed off that people can fall in love with “glorified” personas of me, but not me.

Am I that so unhinged that the only thing I can attract are weirdoes who just want me for sexual reasons? - don’t get me wrong I like sex, I just like it more with meaning, Yea, I’m such a girl for that reason. Heaven forbid I want to be seen as more than a sex object.

Do I have a sign that says “Use me” – I’m tired of allowing myself to be such a doormat to people.

Must work on that.

Also, Quote of the Week:

“When people talk behind your back it’s because you are too much of a coward to know the truth and turn and face them and stand up for yourself.” – Myself

(I may have jumped the guns on my blatant and retarded post before.)

I must be fine cause my hearts still beating

So I got my IPOD, its freaking amazing. I’m slowly but surely getting all my CDS transferred onto it and it excites me. It makes work go by much quicker. It’s more tolerable.

Down side, it came with 1000 awesomely cool classic rock songs and I was totally psyched. And then when I was trying to add my own music, I totally deleted all of the songs that were on there.

I was bummed.

So yes, I feel like I’ve entered the 21st century... FINALLY.