Flooded all my Empty Space

I've been feeling rather - Emo for lack of a better word. But really its not so much Emo as it is disappointed in myself. I don't feel as pretty as I used to. And the more I thought about it, the more it came down to the fact that the few people I surrounded myself with had a way of making me feel like the most amazing person to have ever lived. And that helped me be confident in the way I looked some way.

I took advantage of that and I'm disappointed in that retrospect. Like Nora and Kat had this way of making me feel like there was no one cooler than me, and knowing that two people like them thought I was cool, some how made me feel better about being me.

Lately I haven't really liked being me, which is probably why I sleep as much as I do and avoid getting to know people too much. I'm sure that's shooting me in the foot more so.

Also, I think I've gained a lot more weight, and that scares me. But it hasn't motivated me enough to change, and that idea scares me as well. Like, If I've become this obese person, why am I not motivated to exercise? I should want to exercise and not be so fat, but I'm not. I'm just... Bleh. And I hate that. I really do. I watched my sister just randomly break out into exercising on the living room floor, the floor of my aunts office, she'd come down stairs and used the Weight machine and I think to myself, why can't I hate myself enough to want to change it the way she does? Or more so why can't I hate myself in that way to want to change it, cause I do hate myself, just not in the way my sister does.

I guess I just miss the reassurance from the friends like Kat, Nora, Michelle I, Michelle (my roommate) (when she wasn't telling me I suck as a friend of course), Brandalyn (she's awesome at making me feel cool.)

My aunt doesn't reassure me that I am awesome. I'm not saying she just picks out my flaws, but she does that too.

I really do miss my friends, they did a lot for me that looking back now I didn't realize then. Ugh. Total suckage.