Advice To The Army Guy: Make less awkward advances.

Alright, so let me take a few moments to confess how lame I truly am.

I decided since my best friend was signing up for E-Harmony or some other online "meet a guy" technique, that I would take the free route, and I posted an Ad on Craigslist. It got a few responses, some of people I am still talking to, but haven't met yet, except one. We'll call him Lt. Dan.

Let me just say, I may not be the best thing since sliced bread, but you better believe I can dress myself in such a fashion that I might be able to convince you for even for a moment that I am.

Lt. Dan was one step above wearing velcro shoes and having his mom pack his lunch for him. Not only did I have to remind him that I am not a "touchy-Touchy" person but I also had to dodge about 6 different attempts at him kissing me.

At one point we were at a book store (a good key to my heart) and he asks me if I enjoy reading, which is probably one of my favorite things to do and I said, I enjoy it quite a bit and that I currently had four books open that I was currently reading simultaneously. He responds with "oh really? maybe we can read together sometime." - Which might be considered cute, but with my background, Not even a little. And I declined, explaining that reading was personal for me.

Let me just explain where I'm coming from when I say not even a little. To me, reading is a personal thing. Like, some people like to be alone for masturbation and not share it with someone, I like to be alone when I'm reading and not share it with people. I will share what I am reading, but I will not share those few precious moments where I can crawl inside of a books head and stay hidden from the world around me. And having knowing this guy and having to tell him six separate times that I don't really like to be touched, I figure he'd be the kind to constantly stroke my hair like you would a cat in your lap, and at one point during this awkward disaster in my life, he did.

I should also mention before the nightmare ended, he did in fact try to "read with me" and did in fact read a few paragraphs out loud. Which leads me to believe, he doesn't understand the concept of No.

He lacked a basic fashion sense, there were a lot of awkward pauses, a lot of uncomfortable silences, a lot of uncomfortable and unnecessary touching and several poor attempts to kiss me. Oh and the cheesy "you're the prettiest girl in the room" lines were driving me nuts.

And I'm the one who feels like a judgmental ass hole because He was a nice, but weird freaking guy. And based on all my lectures I have received, maybe I should feel so lucky that the Captain of the Retards has chosen me to be his Galactic Princess.

I'll have to decline the crown this time.