Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Leave Me Here In Pieces

She frustrates the hell out of me. I wish she would just learn to talk to me like my aunt instead of the college professor. I can have conversations, I don't have a problem talking to anyone but her. Why? Because she judges every word that comes out of my mouth. Every action I do, is scrutinized by her. I may be defensive when I respond, but its only because she has said something to cause me to be defensive. I wish she would just take a step back and stop trying to change me.

Or maybe I work better not being part of a family. Maybe I should just leave and go back home and continue my life that I had, and just deal with school later when I don't have to answer to someone daily. It's what I'm used to. I'm sorry, at 23 should I even HAVE to answer to anyone? I'm not seeing anyone...And even then, I wouldn't answer to them but more along the lines share my life with them, allow them witness and vice versa.

It's not the same when you live with your aunt who is a college professor and thinks she should have control of everything. I may be a broken person but I am still a formed person open to change when its something that is in the best interest of me. Not because someone else wants me to be a certain way.

I'm just so tired of all of these confrontations because I don't want to talk to her, or I don't want to be grilled by her. I just want to be left alone, thats how I work. I ask for help when I need it... I've learned that. Or...

Or maybe I'm doomed to forever be alone because apparently I cannot communicate.

Who the fuck cares how I want to live my life? I'm not hurting anyone.

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