My boyfriend told me he read my blog and I got embarrassed. I’m okay with thousand of unknown faces possibly reading what I write, Im even kind of okay with some family members reading what sometimes is the very dark depths of my heart. But when my boyfriend told me he read my blog and that I hadn’t posted anything new, my face got red and my mind started spinning. Why?
Why would I not want to share myself entirely with this guy? I mean I fell for him. Am I even allowed to say that on such a short length of a relationship? Am I jinxing it by even saying that I have fallen for him? Why does the thought of him reading my words, my thoughts my desires or my fears embarrass me?
I can only speculate the answer, wonder.
I know that when I write all my “twisted thoughts free flow…” And perhaps I want him to see me in a different light. A less broken, more held together light. Perhaps I don’t want to appear to be so open, so known. The walls I build and protect myself with are non-existent in this “world.”
Perhaps my problem lies into the fact that he’s not much of a talker, he doesn’t like to open up and like most guys he doesn’t want to share his feelings. And this kind of irritates me a lot. I don’t want to nag but at the same time I don’t want to be the only one to share myself, to open myself up to heartbreak, to pain or to the knowledge and acceptance of all of me.
“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.”– Eleanor Roosevelt
No comments:
Post a Comment