It doesn't matter who's wrong or who's right....

Here’s the thing. Weddings are ridiculous. I’ve always thought this. They’re ridiculous things that drive girls mad. There is all this talk of becoming a bridezilla or the stress of trying to figure out who to have in the wedding and if you want people at all. You alienate people if you don’t ask them and hurt feelings of people who thought they were closer. What about the stress of becoming a Friend-zilla? I think I may have become a Friend-zilla.

My friend Katie got married in March, the wedding was beautiful, I may have teared up a bit. It was the perfect princess wedding. The one we women all dream about as little girls. And even thought Katie was sick, she was still the most beautiful bride I’ve seen and the perfect man received her, the sparkles in his eye when she walked down the isle and the way he looked at her. It was perfect. The whole wedding made me want one of my own despite my own protest of it being the last legal form of slavery.

But then there are the weddings that happen and maybe it’s just me, but I may be slightly hurt that I’m not even a part of it. I mean, listen, it’s not that I feel like the world is all about me or anything. It’s just that when people claim that you are their only “Girl” friends and that the only people they talk to are you, your other close friend and their fiancé you think you might be some part of their wedding.

Take my friend Aubrey for example. I’ve been friends with this girl since 4th grade. I’ve kept in contact with her through all of her moves from 6th grade thru her graduation from college. I always considered her a close friend. Then she gets this boyfriend and some how she’s changed. She’s not the same Aubrey, she’s changed and it hurts to see this change. She’s no longer interested in anything other than this boy. Things progress and now this boy and her are engaged. I got a “save the date” thing in the mail the other day. I’m let down because I thought I meant more to this girl. But her life now revolves around the boy. To me, its unhealthy to be that wrapped up in someone, but it could just me being hurt.

And then there’s the case of Ashley, my “Little sister” I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t completely upset when she made her boss the Maid of Honor. I thought for sure this was going to be the one wedding I would be Maid of Honor for – I’ve known her so long and I again, thought we were closer than we actually were. Maybe that’s my mistake? When I wasn’t MOH, I then shut myself down; I didn’t want to be in it at all then. So I told her this and she accepted it. She didn’t fight it. She just simply said “okay.” At the time I thought of how she was wronging me. She didn’t ask me to be in her wedding, I just assumed and shot her down before she could. And technically her sister is Maid of Honor, but her sister is 13….And maybe what I’m really angry about is the fact that I’ve lost that place of her best friend. I know I’ve done some of it myself; I pushed myself this way or pushed myself that way and upset her. And she’s done the same. So, I’m sorry to her for the strangeness I’ve been feeling about this whole wedding.

You know what, maybe I’m so bent on being in someone’s wedding right now. Wait, that isn’t entirely true because I don’t want to be in people’s weddings because I don’t want to be the blob in the wedding pictures, but then again, I do.
I’m finding myself getting too wrapped up in the idea of being in a wedding and wanting to be that help for the bride, that I forget that weddings are about what the bride wants. And that brings me back to full circle. It’s hard to be a bride. It’s hard to make decisions on whom to have, what to wear, and which toes you are stepping on.

But in my defense, it’s hard to be a friend who gets passed up.

I’m officially Friend-zilla.

I think too highly of myself and place more importance on myself. I am officially admitting I am ridiculous. I apologize.