Wow this did not turn out how I wanted it to....

Is it just me or is anyone else glad Christmas is over?

I had a good Christmas, it was decent…I was trying to think of my favorite present this year, and I thought of the list I got…

Lotions (bath and body)
Gift Card to Bath and Body Works (Pearberry here I come…)
Soft Socks in Pink
A Pink bear inside of a pink gift box (wicked cute and soft…)
Mp3 player (That I may have already broken, like a reject…)
Cook book (as if I cook…..)
Scarves (2 of them, one with matching hat and glove set…..which, I look like a smurf in argyle)
Silver heart Earrings (way cute)
Pearl necklace and earrings
Jack Johnson CD
Brothers Grimm DVD

So there’s my list. I’ve been over a few times and I guess I’d have to say my favorite gift was the Pearl necklace and earrings….

For the sentimental person in me when I opened them my first thought was “great I got the same thing as Cassie” (my sister) and then later I was explaining what I got to my friend Laura and it was like the moment I said pearls the thought came to me.

I’m going to put the necklace and the earrings away and save them for the day I get married since this Christmas marks a significant year in my life.

A lot of stuff has happened to me in this past year, most I would have never expected and some that I would have. Someone once told me 20 was the year you change the most, but I’d say, 22 was my year for change.

I feel so different now…

My realization for the year… I am touchable….Because I thought I was untouchable… that no one could break me…. And Now, I realize that I am broken…. Very very broken.

I am so broken that I actually had a breakdown on Christmas Eve. After many amounts of badgering from my family about my looks, from my hair to my weight to my arms to my piercings, I just broke down and cried.

My aunt was telling me how she knew how I felt, with the whole having a hard time finding clothes that look good and fit me right, which I responded with.. No you have no fucking idea what its like to be 22-years-old and having to dress like your 50 year old aunt because there isn’t anything stylish in your size.

She doesn’t have any idea how I have actually TRIED to lose weight but haven’t. So she suggests that I see a doctor about it, but then she wouldn’t know what its like to not have insurance, and when you don’t have insurance, your looking at paying until your dead in doctors fees. God help me not get the plague.

So maybe this is a poor-me rant, but I feel like I’m at a point in my life where no matter what I do, the pieces of me will never be put back together. I think that’s what some people call hopeless. I am completely hopeless.

So here’s to finding the super glue in 2007.